Fantasy Fight of The Day
Oh God, it’s worse than Sophie’s choice!
Instinct and history would make Han leap out initially, with his good looks, fast wit, testosteroney swagger and awesome ride (that’s the millennium falcon BTW and not a euphamism, you pervs!).
But then, there’s Mal, with his good looks, fast wit, testosteroney swagger and awesome ride (that’s the firefly BTW and not a euphemism either, quit perving!)
So we seek for a deeper level on which to end this argument. Say, the side kicks? Han has a tall, loud, lumbering hairy dude with a big gun. And then, we’re all aware of Jayne Cobb, right? Now THIS is a fantasy throw down I would love to witness but again, I’m not sure who my money would be behind. Chewy has some moves, sure but if Jayne brings his general hard headedness and Vera into the mix, who can say who would win?
OK how about the women?
Here, Han gets the edge as we all know that by the end of the day, this smuggler actually gets his princess. But how much of an achievement was getting Leia on side anyway? It’s not like she had a whole bunch of other viable options. Unless you’re particularly into incest or droid lovin. We’ll never know if Mal made it with his snooty aloof Female Of Interest, but I’d like to think one of them relented eventually. However Mal scores high for keeping it real in his down time by consorting with Lady Heather and accidentally marrying an evil ginger, who he later beat the crap out of then shopped to the fuzz. And romantic banter? Can we possibly play off Absolutely Your Worshipfullness against a barrage of open and scathing whoring remarks? I’m no closer to declaring a winner.
Apparel is another point of debate.
Whilst their general day time garb could be easily interchangable, when they need to go stealth Han opts for a stormtrooper get up whereas Mal has a worrying tendency towards drag. Ok who are we kidding here, Hantrooper get’s the drop on this section.
Given the general success rates of their smuggling attempts, they are both equally doomed to hiccups in this area, I’d sooner trust my courier needs to Fry from Futurama, and that’s saying something. You could blame the Empire and The Alliance respectively for their troubles but to be honest, I don’t think they try hard enough. However when an angry ex employer catches up with them Mal get’s the edge for his comedy stand up response to torture, opposing Solo’s stoic, slightly sweaty resistance routine.
Hard to compare Mal’s old school gunslinging arsenal to the security of a good old fashioned blaster at your side?
One liners? We’d be here all freakin day trying to find a winner there.
In conclusion, I have no conclusion. I may have to resort to the age old tie breaker of who has the best arse. I’m off to do further research into this now.
Malcolm Reynolds wins: Ship, side kick, and women.
Han Solo wins: Disguise (Stormtroopersftw), and weapon (I love Mal’s sidearm to death, but you honestly can’t beat dat blaster.)